Me vs. the Yarn Swift

Yesterday was hard on me mentally, definitely letting things get to my head and feeling a bit down. I think it was because I didn't knit so I couldn't comfort myself and feel productive. I did get a chance to wind up my new sock yarn. Since my mother has a ball winder and a wooden umbrella contraption to hold the big loop of wool, I figured I would go ahead and give it a shot. I've used the plastic ball winder before and have seen the wooden thing in use before, but I was having so much trouble with it. It was going alright for the most part, but the damn wood thing... I finally figured out how to get the thing to stay open with the yarn on it like an umbrella (slide up a wood piece that has a screw-in part to hold it in place) so then I thought the thing would spin as I cranked the ball winder - not so. Technically speaking, the fibers weren't strong enough to create the right torque to overcome the friction on the wooden contraption (I later found was called a wooden umbrella swift, who would have thought). I then tried just spinning the swift really fast for a bit, then crank up the loose yarn on the winder. It worked for a while, then the top piece broke off and the swift wouldn't stay open!

By this point I was completely frustrated, but the swift works so well to hold the large loop of yarn while you try and wind up a skein, otherwise the yarn gets all tangled (no fun as I later found out) so I kept going with it partially broken, back and forth to the winder, then around the swift. When I got to what seemed only a few loops left, I took it off the dumb and now broken swift and tried to wind up the rest - this is where the tangled mess began. To put it in few words, it was awful. While I was trying to get it detangled, I couldn't help thinking (it was a few hours of detangling in scilence) just thinking symbolically about the unwinding of my life, how even though the previous method was a pain, at least it worked, and in my haste to find a better, or at least I thought, better way to achieve my goal, I actually made it worse and had no way out unless I kept going to the end in my miserable way. Each knot was a piece of my crazy, messed up life - tangled situation, total confusion, and no knowledge of how to get out - so it just made me want to keep working in order to solve it and not give up. To show I have the will power and focus to do it, that there is hope for my life and one day I'll get out of the tangled mess I've gotten myself into. This is when I broke down, felt like a failure, frustrated, thinking about each detail of my life, and everything I think is going wrong.

A few hours and a meal later, I went back (again) to finish the winding, and I finally got it all done! Looking back on it, it's almost funny how driven I was to get the damn balls wound up. Like by taking control of the yarn and finding my way out of the tangles, I could take control of SOMETHING in my life and be successful. Well, it's quite unrelated, and it is just yarn. My life certainly has its not-so-great parts, but nothing so tangled and messed up as I may think at times. But it all will work out in the end, no matter what method is used, all my yarn will end up in a neat little ball ready to use for any project when the time is right.

On a side note, this yarn looks amazing and I can't wait to knit with it. It is called Smooshy sock yarn made of 100% Superfine Australian Merino, a superwash in purple rain. I love that it has some flexibility to it so my sock will have some stretchiness to it and won't sag (no one likes sagging on anything). I'll make sure to use light needles so I can see what I'm doing since the yarn is so dark. This will be my first time knitting socks (when I get around to it) so wish me luck!

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